The beginning of this school year started out with me as independent as ever. I didn't need help from anyone for anything. Yes, I loved to be around my friends and do crazy things but I was riding alongside them on my high horse, being able to do everything you can imagine on my own. I was even offended when a guy held a door open for me; my thought process was 'Psh, what? Does he think I can't open a door myself!?!'
I thought that this was a good thing, being so independent, because being so far away from home I didn't really have anyone really close to me (yet) that I could fully rely on. I knew, of course, that I always had God, and apparently him and I made one heck of a team.
So the first semester flew by and everything was great. Diving back into school with a fresh start, everything was working out great. I worked my way into a fantastic, well-paying research job, I became better friends with many people who before were only acquaintances (like Xenia and Chris) and went through a confusing beginning of a relationship that couldn't have turned out better. Classes were going pretty well, aside from Organic chemistry getting harder, and things were going great. Still, I was independent and successful too, I just wasn't as forward about it.
Then the final month of the semester hits and I got hit smack in the face by the cold-hard truth: that I could NOT go through life flying solo. I'm not talking about solo, like in a relationship, just all by my-independent-self. My whole world seemed to have been turned upside-down. Day by day, the puzzle pieces of my perfect life were falling out of place and being chucked around like nobody's business.
Classes and the material became extremely hard, sophmoritis kicked in (like senioritis, just two years earlier), housing assignments were rolling around the corner and I had no idea of where/who I was going to live with, I had to come up with $4,000 to take one summer class, I was doing presentation after presentation for research, AND I needed to find a place to live for the summer... it was a living nightmare.
I worried a lot in that week or two because I had this idea that I would be living on the streets over the summer and housed with ppl I didn't know for next year, etc. etc. But, things started falling into place. I found that I had just enough money to pay for my class, I tackled everything for research with success, I got offered a place to live for next year and the summer, and I was working hard through my classes.
Before things became too good to be true, the downfall of my joy occurred. I couldn't stay at my own apartment for the summer because the girls that would also be there were against the idea, finals approached loading 10xs the amount of regular stress classes bring during the year on my shoulders, and money continued to be a underlying problem to all my worries.
I was hopeless.
Yesterday, I was thinking about everything that has happened and it made perfect sense. I started out the year thinking that I had everything set in line. I didn't need any help and I proved that to myself after all the good stuff kept getting better. Once this happened, I probably subconsciously took the credit for all these good things and gave no credit to anyone that helped, including God who was clearing holding my hand and guiding me the whole way.
Everything was too good to be true. It fell apart as a sign for God to show me how reliant and dependent we are all suppose to be on Him. Phil reminded me that He isn't spiteful, but what was happening made sense.
My lesson has been WELL learned.
F.R.O.G. ~ a little acronym that means Fully Rely On God
I did get by from a little help from my friends. Actually a LOT of help (who I wouldn't have if things hadn't played out exactly how they have).
Without Xenia, I probably would have died in one of my physics classes. Without another sane person in that room with me, I swear I would have pulled all my hair out. She also joined a great workout class for this semester that I loved! We because such great friends and I never even saw it coming :)
The funniest person that I know at FIT also brought me tons of joy. I've been told that I always make people happy just by being happy around them. But I can't always be happy, and when I wasn't.... there was Chris. I seriously went through a couple of days when I never saw the kid and was having withdrawal issues. I felt so sad! But with all the laughs that he's brought me, through magic, stupidity or jokes, its made a great difference and helped me truck through all my problems.
Even though I can't see them or get hugs, I still have my parents and my friends back home reminding me that everything will work out in the end. It's their faults that I now have this HUGE desire to go back home. I blame my homesickness on them but also a big portion of my joy and happiness.
And then there's Phil. If our friendship had turned out any different that it did, I can't even imagine the turmoil I'd be in. Numerous times, in the last week even, I've cried in his arms, hoping that eat tear I cried would make a problem go away. And every time he was there to reassure me that things would fall into place and then remind me that other things had worked out.
Without any of my friends, family or God, I know I would have given up by know. Life got too hard and I was too weak to fight it. The moral of my end 0f the semester story is that any person that is riding around on their high horse is eventually going to run across a valley, or in some cases a canyon, that they will not be able to make it over. They can only get by with a little help from their friends.
